How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is look at these guys with needing to rip your spouse’s clothes off on a whim (it can definitely make for a sexy relationship), however, whether or not there’s a deeper romance will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between love and lust will help you better understand how romantically involved you envision being with your partner. And, what is more, it’ll give you a good idea of how to feel on your own spouse, seeing weaknesses and how they impact you.

As a licensed health coach , I work with individuals on feeling fulfilled with their relationships, no matter what that actually stands for. Sometimes, individuals are only after lust, or rather an intimate (frequently mostly physical) relationship which is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can not keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there is less of a connection beyond the physical (you’re sort of dating the human body, instead of the person inside it). A relationship built on love is going to have a significance, as there’s an affection and understanding that there. No matter what you looking for, both can be quite satisfying the outcome will fluctuate.

You Have Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, if you’re finding a deeper level of communication, there is probably a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that’s a good indication that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn more about each other’s interests and family background,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“If you end up romantically and sexually excited by these, but have no interest in the emotional and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it likely is just lust,” says David Bennett, a licensed advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You’re Still Invested In Them Despite Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you do not like his or her personality in bed, but you still wish to stay together for a slew of different reasons, it is likely because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that is deeper than merely sexual appeal, and is emotional and even intellectual, and lasts even when you may be trying hard to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.

You Have Fantasies About Them

“Lust is usually compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically entails idealization and dream about the individual,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Happy Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love will be calmer and quieter. Love vs Lust takes more time to develop and feels more like a mental and psychological bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You are Obsessive

“Lust and the first stages of a relationship involve the dependence center of your mind, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you each time you see or think about the object of your desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually looking for a ‘repair’ of the partner then you’re most likely still at the lust phase. If you’re able to go some time without contact and aren’t always considering them then you’ve moved into the love or attachment phase,” Archard describes.

You Believe Grounded About Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Enjoy is layered. When you love someone you take the whole package. You wish to get to know them. Generally speaking, you will be more interested in peeling back those layers.

click over here Doing “Couple” Things

“From the time love happens, couples are generally moving in together, purchasing a house, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of kids. They have a lot more stress happening in their lifetime, which helps to eliminate (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and founder of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Want

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you need (maybe some hot sex) , while love is more about giving onto a partner and enduring the relationship, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Consider where your brain is and it’ll help determine whether you are feeling lust or love.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you feel safe to talk about your feelings on your relationship, and you feel accepted despite your flaws, it is likely love. Should you feel you can not or do not want to discuss your feelings and be emotionally vulnerable in your relationship, then it is probably lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, states above email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up on your relationship, then you’ll definitely get a few signs to understand the difference. That’s good, when it’s aligned with what you want. If not, it’s time.

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